The Night Before My C-Section: A Journey of Fear and Hope

If you've been following my pregnancy journey, you know I've been dealing with placenta previa. For those who need a quick recap or want more details, check out my previous blog post here. Placenta previa is no joke, and it added an extra layer of anxiety to my already thrilling roller-coaster ride of pregnancy, where I started fearing that I would die in my third trimester.

The Night before my C-Section:

My C-section was scheduled for January 2nd at 12:30 pm. But let's rewind a bit to the prep that led up to this momentous occasion.

The Prep

1. Blood Work

Ah, early December—a time for festive cheer, hot cocoa, and…cyber attacks on Ontario hospitals? Yep, you read that right. Because of this little hiccup, I had to get my blood work done 48 hours before my delivery. Sounds simple, right? Wrong. This meant December 31st, when every lab in town was closed for New Year's. The blood work was crucial to ensure the hospital had my blood type on file in case of an emergency. Given my critical condition, skipping this step was not an option.

I called the hospital, my heart pounding like a drum. They told me I could skip the blood work. Great, right? Wrong again. The fear of dying was a recurring theme during my pregnancy, as you might remember from my previous blog. Now, knowing the hospital wouldn't have my blood type on record added a fresh layer of terror to my already overactive imagination.

2. Fasting

"No food for 12 hours and no water for 8 hours," they said. This was to reduce the likelihood of vomiting and liver complications during surgery. Simple instructions, yet daunting for someone like me, who had a history of low blood pressure. Pregnancy had made it worse.

There were times I'd blackout, leaving Yash to literally scream at me to get me back to consciousness. Those moments were terrifying. I couldn't remember how I reached another room during these blackouts, nothing.

After a major blackout incident Yash, my husband, made sure I was never alone. I had sugar candies within arm's reach for a quick fix. But there were times when the blackouts were so swift that I couldn't even reach the candy. The thought of fasting scared me. What if I blacked out in my sleep and didn't wake up? Would I even make it to the hospital?

The Night Before

As the night before my C-section unfolded, the fear of dying hovered over me like a dark cloud.

I clung to Yash, both of us unable to sleep. He spoke to me about the future, trying to reassure me. "In three days, when we're back from the hospital, our daughter will be sleeping between us," he'd say. Or, "I wish she takes after you. I already love you so much; then I'll be able to love the two of you."

His words were meant to comfort me, to convince me that this was just a normal C-section. But the thought of dying wouldn't leave my mind. I spoke to my parents, who were back in India, trying to mask my fear. They were showing a strong front, but I knew they were equally worried.

It was 1:00 am and since 7:30 pm, I hadn't had water or food. My throat was dry, and I was hungry, but those sensations paled in comparison to my fear. My thoughts were consumed by the possibility of death.

The night dragged on, each minute feeling like an hour. At 4:00 am, the lights came on. It was time. The pitch-dark night was now a quiet, gloomy morning.

My feet felt heavy as I walked to the washroom. "Is this the last time?" I wondered.

Yash wouldn't stop hugging me, his eyes silently conveying, "You are going to do great. I love you." He saw the fear in my eyes and felt helpless. The thought that he couldn't do anything to ease my fear was eating him alive.

I walked around the house, taking in the spaces we had prepared for Shay. I glanced at my home office, my studio, trying to memorize every detail. I prayed, and bowed a little to get blessings from my in-laws.

Yash helped me put on my shoes, and he loaded the car with our bags. I was ready to meet my daughter, but was I ready for the hospital? I had no answer.

The drive to the hospital was quiet. Everyone was lost in their thoughts, silently praying for the surgery to go well. We all hoped for the same thing: that the baby and I would stay safe and healthy. Amidst the nerves and prayers, one thing was certain—we were all eagerly anticipating the moment our little bundle of joy would finally be in our arms.

We arrived at the hospital, and with that, my tale of the night before my C-section comes to a close. But don't worry, this is just the beginning. Stay tuned for Part 2, where I'll dive into the events of the day of my delivery. Trust me, you won't want to miss it.

A big shout out to Padma for capturing memories in form of photos!

Until next time, keep slaying and stay fabulous!

Xoxo,

Vishakha